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"The End is Nigh"... And You're Buying the Wrong Shit.

I'm going to start this blog at the end, in more ways than one. Let me put this in simple terms... You're 100% dead. Its just a matter how long it takes to get you.


If the virus doesn't get you, you'll definitely die from malnutrition, other "living" people caving your head in or just natural causes, they don't go away just cos its the end of the world (derp). The removal of social media might kill some of you. Imagine that, if there was a world war now and we had to ration stuff. Only 10 minutes of Twitter a day you turnip... Instagram chat being used for coded messages telling allies the enemy plans.

This blog is an insight into what I would do, with all this Corona Virus talk I thought I'd explain some strategy on the of chance the apocalypse arrives tomorrow. You might be asking yourself "Why is this Jabroni qualified to tell me what to do in a Zombie Apocalypse?" Well I'm probably one of a very small number (that still just about has their marbles) that run at least three improvised Apocalypse simulations almost every weekend of the year in 7 locations across the country and have done so for the last 8 years as part of our Zombie Experiences. Doing this you tend to pick up a few tips!


So here goes, lets discuss five ways to LAST as long as you can before death catches up with you (cos it will). If you want to out run it that is, I'd probably just arm up and have as much fun as I could before I got bored and died in a blaze of glory. Anyways!

1. Location - Choose your battle ground. We have some great locations at Zombie Infection, our Liverpool Zombie Experience which is set in an old office block, this is a good one for getting in and staying safe but not for getting out, which you'll need to plan for if you're going for longevity and not fun. An 18th Century Courthouse at our Birmingham Zombie Experience, this is a good one, has levels of defense, under ground jail block, bars on windows, its old so can take a good beating. But the winner we want to harp back to around 1070 after William the Conqueror did his ting. Yep. Castles. They are built to withstand a heavy onslaught, stood for thousands of years, one main way in but normally have tunnels to get out, almost always built up high but most importantly. When you are perusing the brochure, make sure you get one with a moat.

Zombies are totally fucked if they fall down a hole. Which is ironic cos most of the undead rise from a grave. But I mean a deep hole. This doesn't mean that you can just leave them be... nooo. We don't want no World War Z shit going on. But they'll be much easier to manage. If you can upgrade the moat to attach to a river with a damn, this is also handy for management. Just wash the little fuckers away.


2. Supplies - Sustainable long term resource, quick short term wins!

For food you'll need cans, seeds to grow stuff, sugar items for energy, they also last long, You get the idea, the food part isn't rocket science or you'd like to think. Not bog roll, sanitiser or paper mask you pompous fucking cheese blocks. I told you, if it (death) wants you bad enough it'll get you, no paper mask is going to help, I really miss natural selection, don't you?


Whats more concerning is that the minority of these idiots are influencing the majority through social media creating mass panic. Social allows the minority to have the loudest voice. There are actually like 98% of the world that don't panic buy but all we see is the 2% that does and think this is how the rest of the world must be reacting. Its a dangerous scenario. Those closest to me will know I'm the biggest skeptic and this is exactly why, you just need to gain perspective a little before you go believing everything you see and making a judgement about those around you, one person panic buys and suddenly everybody is a fucking muppet.

Power - I'd go for solar, wind, kinetic energy. But I'd also grab as many batteries as I could manage as quickly as I could, car batteries, AA, AAA, AAAAAAAA, all of em. Remember its about lasting for as long as possible. These will help you get established, a head start for sure. Transport - Heavy goods vehicles are probs your best bet, trucks, buses, lorries, things with fail safes built for longevity. You'll have to make some additions but these are a good base to build on. Lets not forget fuel, go for as much as you can. Medical - Pain killers, anti-biotics. You're gunna get hurt, its a given. So just grab all you can. Good to trade as well.


Tools - Bolt cutters, infinite fire starters, hiking equipment, fishing equipment. the ability to filter water. All good items to have for that blood moon and vital additional sustenance.


3. Weapons - Keep the dead at a distance!

You're going to need to defend yourself. Guns, in the UK? Good luck. You're going to need something like a baseball bat, samurai sword, even a shovel. You're going to need length, nothing too close combat. If any substance, blood, sweat, spit gets into your body you're totally infected and that's even if its liquid based, if its air born (gas) then there's no point at all really. Skin isn't immune it can be porous, as too are your eyes, mouth. Think high grade PPE to make sure these areas are covered well, full face gas masks. Whilst your slicing through the dead and getting blood all over you the virus it having a field day taking over.

Be inventive, think God of War, blades on chains!

4. Collaboration - Can I make it on my own or with others?

I'm going to say yes to collaboration. However if you think you're going to survive by sticking to the same luxury values we have worked hard to achieve and enjoy in today's society you're going to die, quickly. We're talking end of the world here, back to basics. The strongest survive, the weak don't. It's just mother nature, its brutal and nature won't think twice when we're talking life and death.


Set your own boundaries, have a back up plan if things go wrong. Bargin hard when trading, bluff well!


5. Enjoy the finer things.

A Zombie Apocalypse might never in truth become a reality, but I feel like our final days are etching ever closer. Whether its natural or self-prophesying its not going to look pretty. We must remember that everything is relative, just because it isn't the end of the entire world relative to you specifically doesn't mean that somebody else's apocalypse isn't already happening behind closed doors.


Whether its happening, about to happen or has happened try to stay positive and enjoy what little time you have left doing what you want to do and where you can, do it without at the expense of others.


The Corona Virus is a far fetch from anything we need to concern ourselves with right now. The only reason why I keep writing it in this blog is for SEO as I'm sure loads are typing it into Google. Having said that just remember that 'Pokemon go', 'porn' and Katie Perry are still searched for in Google more than "Where can I buy toilet paper for the forth coming Corona Virus outbreak". So I don't think there's really anything to worry about.


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